Gestational Carrier/Intended Parents Psychology Sessions
In my previous posts I began to describe how the gestational carrier process works and the preliminary steps that are involved before the the medical process of trying to conceive with a gestational carrier takes place.
So the way our fertility center works, it requires that three appointments with their psychologist (who specializes in therapy for those struggling with infertility) to take place. One of the appointments is for the intended parents, the other is for the gestational carrier and her spouse/partner, and the last session all four (intended parents and GC and spouse) will meet with the therapist. There is also a separate psychological test the gestational carrier had to take to help rule out any "red flags" if you will.
Many, many questions are asked and talked about, but I will mention some of the heaviest. We were asked things like under what circumstances, if any, would you consider aborting the baby? Who would you want to be present in the delivery room? Will you want to continue a relationship with your carrier after the baby's birth? Will you tell your child about their carrier when they are old enough to understand? How much interaction do you plan on having throughout the pregnancy? Will you attend appointments? Do you understand that if there is anything life threatening to the carrier your baby could be aborted? How do you feel about your carrier traveling out of the state or country during the pregnancy? There were also questions about discussing the details of the pregnancy with her friends, sharing things on social media, etc. It is incredible how many things there were to think about when going through the process with another couple.
The therapist asked the gestational carrier questions regarding how she would feel about how others would react towards her being pregnant with another person's baby. Believe it or not, there are people out there who don't always have the most positive reactions. She also discussed how the pregnancy would be effecting her own family dynamic, specifically how to explain the pregnancy to her own young children.
We were very fortunate in the sense that with both of our gestational carriers we were all in agreement and shared very similar views on pretty much all of the main topics the therapist wanted to discuss.
The therapy sessions were very emotional. Questions were raised that we didn't give deep thought to or knew were things to consider, but were emotionally stressful so brushed to the side. However, in these sessions it was important to get it all out there and be sure that everyone was up for the process we were about to embark on.
In our joint session with Molly and her husband Kris, an incredibly emotional and moving response was given.
The therapist asked Molly, "So why do you want to do this? You have two very young children (ages 2 and 4 at that time), why do you want to do this?
Her response was " I love my boys so much and being a mother so much I could not imagine my life without them and I if I could give that gift to someone, how can I say no?"
There were many tears from her and from me (and our husbands I am sure were fighting to keep it together for all of us!)
The reality is of course she could have said no. With a two and four year old, her response easily could have been HELL, NO!
But I saw in her at that moment true and pure empathy. "How could I say no?" How could I say no???!!!!! In Molly's mind it wasn't a question. For me, I wasn't trusting a "stranger" to carry my baby. I was trusting a sister, a mother, "one of the tribe" to carry my baby.
The wave of emotion was overwhelming. We hear and learn about humanity and the good in people. This was, however, for the first time where I saw and felt a gesture of selflessness, of generosity, of love so grand that it was hard to comprehend. This woman was going to help give us the gift of LIFE.
I wasn't about to have a baby bump but I had Molly. I had Molly and the lessons she's taught me about life, about being a woman, and the precious gift of being a mother all just by being herself. So I was slowly but surely realizing that saying goodbye to having my own pregnancy wasn't going to be so bad after all.