Beginning the Gestational Carrier/Surrogacy Process
In my last post, I discussed my first phone call with Molly, our first gestational carrier. The phone call was a very emotional one because it felt like such a turning point in my long journey to motherhood. The phone call as I mentioned was comfortable and gave me a huge sense of hope.
After this phone call, my husband and I went over to Molly and her husband Kris's home to meet them and their two son's in person. The meeting was much like our phone call, comfortable and genuine. Her husband Kris is a police officer and one of the most kind men I have ever met; makes total sense that he and Molly are married. Some people were skeptical about Trevor and I having another person carry our baby for us, which I can totally understand; I mean it is kind of a big deal. As in the BIGGEST deal!! But after meeting the two of them, I reassured people that truth be told there could not be two better people in this world I could trust with my own child, and I still feel that way today.
So in terms of our fertility center, there are several steps you must go through in order to be able to proceed with the actual surrogacy process. Both Molly and I, as well as our spouses, needed to have FDA bloodwork done to show that none of us were carriers of diseases that could be spread to each other or the baby. There was also other medical exams that had to take place to ensure that Molly was healthy and able to carry the baby safely. All of her medical records from her two births had to be sent to the fertility doctors to be reviewed. Lastly, all four of us had to attend some appointments with a psychologist to discuss all kinds of things, I will go through more detail about these meetings in my next post.
So needless to say the medical hoops that you need to jump through are quite intense and thorough, as they should be. My fertility center was fantastic when it came to clearly outlining the process and getting everything lined up. I also have to give major kudos to Molly because girl was on her game when it came to getting all of her paperwork, blood work, appointments all set up with QUICKNESS. I mean I thought I was excited and anxious to get this ball rolling, but she was faster than I was!
Aside from the medical and psychological pieces, we also needed to hire our own separate attorneys who specialize in family and reproductive/surrogacy law. It is required that you have a contract, and we even needed to attend a court hearing for a judge to rule that Trevor and I were in fact going to be the legal parents of our child/children. The baby/babies were our biological babies, but you still have to do this regardless. Every state varies with it's laws so I encourage you, if you are starting the process, to do some research or consult with an attorney in your state who specializes in this area of law. Again, I have a lot of advice and things to say about the legal portion of this process so I will go into more detail in another post.
Starting this process was certainly a lot of work. I got off of one roller coaster ride and now I was on another. Although my husband was always there for me, I have to say that this new ride, with a fellow woman and mother by my side made it different, and I mean different in the best of ways. I was letting go of the fact that I wasn't going to be pregnant myself, but with each passing day and conversation I realized I was gaining a sister, a sister for life. I was beyond fortunate that this relationship was not just one that occurred via an agency and proceeded like a business transaction. Molly was invested in this process and and I felt like she wanted it as much as I did, and for genuinely altruistic reasons. Her laid back personality complimented and balanced out my anxious spastic personality, and I will probably say this in every post I write, but I cannot stress how much this woman and this experience has impacted my life.
Ok, need to take some deep breaths. Next post will be on our meetings with the psychologist. All kinds of crazy questions we discussed: Under what circumstances, if any, would you abort? How do the husbands feel? Will you tell your child about their surrogate?