I'm Pregnant, is this a dream?
Long story short...back in 2009 I tried to get pregnant naturally for a year but never conceived. I then did in-vitro for three years (19 cycles) and never once got pregnant. I have three children, all biologically our own but were born via two different wonderful women who lovingly offered to be our gestational carriers.
Our oldest son Greyson, is now 4 years old and our boy/girl twins, Declan and Kensington are 3 years old.
I have not taken birth control or used any form of contraception in 9 years. I always said there are those "fertile" infertile women who need a little assistance getting pregnant, but do end up getting pregnant. So it never surprises me when I hear stories about them conceiving naturally after previously going through fertility treatments. Then there are the INFERTILE, infertiles, like myself who never even had one miscarriage. Nothing EVER stuck, EVER. So would I think in a million years I would ever get pregnant?!! No, that's crazy talk!
I did know and understand that your body chemistry does change over the years, and since my kids will all be in school full time in the next few years, I was planning on returning back to work. I was very much content with my three children. With that being said my husband planned on taking the precautionary measure of getting a vasectomy last summer. However, we ended up purchasing a new house and therefore the vasectomy was put on hold.
Fast forward to this past March. I went in for my yearly exam with my gynocologist. He asked me if I was using any contraception and I said no. He explained to me that I should consider taking a low dose birth control pill; he explained the benefits aside from just being "birth control". I really wasn't sold but he ordered the prescription and I thought that maybe I would try it for a month to see how I felt taking it.
My last period was in February so I was waiting to get my next period so that I could start taking the pill. I kept receiving text messages from my pharmacy saying that my prescription was ready for pick up. I didn't want to go get it until I got my period and needed it. I kept getting the messages and one day I decided to look at the date and realized it was the second week of April and I hadn't had my period since February. Hmmmmm....
My breasts did feel quite full and tender but sometimes that did happen to me prior to getting my period, so I didn't think that much of it. I was on the phone with my mother-in-law who was out running errands and told her my situation. She offered to pick me up a pregancy test and stop over. I told her I was sure it was going to be negative so just buy one, the cheapest they have.
She came over and my mother also happened to be over visiting with the kids, my husband was at practice. I was not even eager to take the test but of course the two mothers were not about to let me take my time. I went in the bathroom, peed on the stick and instantly it was positive. They were outside my room saying "Sooooo....what does it say?!" I came out in complete disbelief and said, "Ummmm it's saying it's positive?!" My mother was instantly celebrating, my more skeptical mother-in-law wanted to see the test to make sure I was reading it correctly.
Later on Trevor came home and in the midst of a conversation about what we were going to feed the kids for lunch, I nonchalontly said, "oh and by the way, I'm pregnant". His response was, "haha, thats a random way to be funny". I said, "I'm not joking," and showed him the test.
The reality is neither one of us were convinced at first. Perhaps all of those years of fertility treatments had callused us but we both knew all too well that a positive pregnancy test does not always mean you'll see a baby in 9 months. I personally thought it was a chemical pregnancy or maybe something got stuck in my fallopian tube.
I went in for blood work on Monday and it confirmed that I was pregnant. I still wasn't convinced. They had me go in for an ultrasound and I was only measuring 5 weeks, 4 days. There was a sac in my uterus, but it was too early to see the baby. Again, I thought it was probably an empty sac, still not convinced. A week later I went back and there it was a little blob with a flickering heartbeat. Okay, now I was convinced. But it was early, VERY early and I was not fully embracing this idea or jumping for joy, well because, it was my defense mechanism. I have been down far too many long roads paved with struggle to start counting my chickens before they actually hatch.
Weeks have gone by and our genetic testing came back healthy and normal and we found out the sweet little baby is another baby girl.
I am in the beginning of my second trimester and I am trying to allow myself to get more excited, but cannot help my overwhleming feelings of fear and anxiety. My body and I have for a long time been pretty disconnected - it never operated how I expected or wanted it to. I am trying to keep the faith that this was meant to be. That those pharmacy text messages saying my birth control was ready for pick up the very month I got pregnant is the most beautiful mockery to ever happen.
xo,
Nicole
